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letter to god, number too.

January 6, 2009

Hey god,

I was just reading what I wrote to you a year ago. And it’s kinda funny that out of everything on that list that I wanted, I am doing two things that are absolutely not there. I am studying Chinese medicine, and I’m working for a big company in a big flourescent lit office. Well the latter obviously wouldn’t have been on my list because I’m not that much of a masochist (and why the hell would anybody put “prison” on their wish list), but Chinese medicine? Why did I never want to do it, and why am I doing it if I don’t want to do it? These are the things that keep me up at night, god– that confuse me to no end, because I think I am the only person I know who is doing something that is interesting but is not really a passion, that I still enjoy and apply myself to as if it were a passion.

But I chose this.

I wanted to be here.

Did I want to practice the principles of impeccability on something that means nothing to me, so that when it comes to something important I will be able to separate myself from emotion and act impeccably anyway. I think so. Or at least, that is what I am going to say now, because it makes me feel better. In fact maybe I will be able to sleep at night after all– being an impeccable warrior and all.

ps. I know I spelt your not real name differently in a different post, and that there is lots of speculation about whether to include the ‘o’ or not, and that it may not even be your real name, and that a three letter word for something so big is kind of strange and funny, but I guess it might be better than “Patricia” or “John” or something like that. And also that other people have many different names for you, and quite honesly I don’t have a single name for you (or even a not-single name for you) so I am going to just switch it up every time, and yes, that might mean you get called “Eustrice” every once in a while, but since you are Eustrice too, I’m sure you won’t mind.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 6, 2009 14:53

    I am going to add your blog to my links, is that ok? I love reading the thoughts of Becca. They are brilliant and you are a great writer, dad would be proud
    xxx

  2. fairybekk permalink*
    January 6, 2009 23:26

    oh loulou thank you!
    I’d like to add your blog to my links too… but I don’t know if I have links, or if I can do that.

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