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Morecoalintheengineplease

November 3, 2009

railroad

Being “on track” is a concept that I  battle with somewhat.

In my somewhat meticulous (hey, I have 4 virgos in my birth chart) mind, being ‘on track’ looks something like this:

Meditates/ does pranayama every day.

Does full primary series six days a week.

Eats healthily every single day, not deviating from the list of healthy things for more than one day a week (cheat day, when I have bread and sugar and maybe even a glass of wine, but not more than once a month or else I feel like I’m ‘off track’).

Get out hiking at least twice a week (not necessarily for exercise but for the nature time).

Work with herbs a couple of times a week.

Study for school every day (this one never actually happens).

Make bed in the morning.

Clean the kitchen every night.

Make sure the house is pretty much spotless and blemish free.

Recap/ shaman exercises every day.

You get the picture, right? For some reason, I’ve convinced myself that if I miss more than one of these things then I am obviously a bad person, going to hell and all that shite.

And the thing is not that it can’t be done, because I DO for the most part get it done. But that if the sliding happens (which it always does because it’s not possible to do all of these things every single day when stuff comes up constantly) then the panic happens (omg my life is falling apart and I’m going to end up bipolar and homeless and nobody in the world is ever going to love me again) and then I find myself saying things like “I’m never drinking another sip of wine for as long as I live” (had a glass with dinner 2 nights in a row), or “Our house is a disgusting pigsty and I can’t live like this” (was too tired to clean the kitchen before going to bed and also left some clothes on the bathroom floor), or “I’m waking up at 5 every morning from now on” (slept in, had cuddle time, started yoga late and gave up halfway through because by 10am I’m not really into it as much… 2 days in a row)… you get the picture. I’m over-correcting. It’s so easy to see this in another person, and to say “just let it go, let it happen, let life happen– sometimes phases come in more than 2 day packages”, but with myself, there’s this underlying panic that makes it very hard to just let it go.

How do you, my four readers, keep your lives “together”?
Are there certain things that you ‘have’ to do or you feel like you’re falling apart?

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 3, 2009 09:28

    If I don’t do yoga at least 4 times a week or walk the dog twice a day as well as all my other ‘commitments’ I loathe myself. I can see my body expanding and my mind diminishing. Truth is, I hadn’t been to yoga for 2 weeks and last night did it with no thoughts or expectations and it was brilliant. I’m the same same as you girl. Happy Birthday for yesterday precious one.
    xxx

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