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SIgns that I may be losing it a little.

June 19, 2010

1. Legally Blonde made me cry. It was just so sweet at the end when she graduated and was the class speaker, and Emmett was going to propose, and… I’m not doing myself any favours here am I?

2. I have decided that I prefer Coldplay to Radiohead this month. I have cried twice listening to Amsterdam, once listening to that one about being Swallowed in the Sea, once with a really sweet Message, and have come quite close with Strawberry Swing, that one that was annoyingly played out on the radio, and Violet Hill.

3. I went for a long walk today, and ran into my favourite oak tree (Oh! Hey tri! What are you doing here?!). So I climbed it and lay back and all of a sudden I’m not just Rebecca but Rebecca and the tree. And I’m both in my body and in the tree’s body, which, as we all know, doesn’t actually just extend to the tips of its branches and leaves, but quite a few metres out. And then I’m not only in both bodies, but I’m breathing with the tree, pulsating in and out, rhythmically like a jelly fish, and connected to absolutely everything around it. I opened my eyese, and the light was hitting the leaves just so, and the smell of sage blossoms and woodland mustiness hit my nostrils, and I started to cry.

4. Lying like a broken and beaten noodle on my mat at the end of practice, (I’ve been going to AYLA for a few weeks) I could feel the people breathing around me, the focus of some, the lack of focus of others, the adjustments that Isa gives that are both strong and soft at the same time, the absolute effort followed by the absolute relaxation and I felt… nice. I didn’t cry. But I might have if Coldplay had been on at the same time.

5. Being squished in a forward fold the other day, I started to have a panic attack. And instead of running from it, I went into it, followed the fear, sat with it, stared it in the eye and realised it was just a sensation like any other. Just a sensation. What the hell have I been running from all this bloody time?

6. Behind my closed eyes I see images of plants in far away places that I’ve never seen before but am pretty sure exist.

7. There is hair growing on the palms of my hands. Just kidding.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Inga permalink
    September 4, 2011 23:01

    I just found your blog(s) tonight through Hunger and Thirst . . . and I’m hooked. I can’t stop reading, and now it’s 3am! Just wanted to say that I like what you have to say and how you say it. Thanks for living and writing.

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