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July 12, 2010

When I was 12, I promised god that if Nick Hughes could fall in love with me, then I would stop picking my nose. He looked like Tin Tin, and I had a thing for Tin Tin.

Anyway he didn’t fall in love with me. Obviously god didn’t consider it to be enough of a sacrifice. It was only because god didn’t have a nose that he didn’t understand what a sacrifice I had made. So I started picking my nose again, and stopped praying (except on planes, of course).

This (god not having a nose) is, of course, contrary to what I learned at my friend Nadia’s house when I was 5. She had a card on her mantlepiece, with a picture of an old man on the front. I asked her who the old man was, and she told me it was god. He was Indian, and he had white hair and a white beard. I was confused.

It occurred to me that if god looked like a man, then he must be a powerful man, like my dad. Or even like the head of my school. Or even like the Prime Minister (if the Prime Minister hadn’t been a woman). I asked mum about it and she said that Christians think god looks like a man, but Jews think that there’s no way to say what god looks like. I asked her who was right, and she assured me that of course we were. For a long time after that, I evaluated people on whether they thought god had a face or not. And what that face looked like.

God the man. God the woman. God with wings and a lightning bolt. God with a blue face and a river flowing from his hair. God with a benevolent smile and a heart that sat on the outside of his white robes, beating in rhythm with the ebb and flow of the earth. God with the blood of sacrifice dripping from his teeth as he severs dreams and snuffs out lights.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2010 15:08

    Very interesting read, thank you for sharing šŸ™‚

  2. July 13, 2010 01:20

    I thought this was going to be about coffee??
    And it was about God. Same same but different xxx

  3. fairybekk permalink*
    July 13, 2010 06:46

    Miss you

  4. July 22, 2010 06:59

    Hello back!

    When I was little, I thought God looked a lot like Henry David Thoreau. I collected stamps, and there was this Thoreau stamp from 1967 ( that I would always associate with the face of God. Very strange. I don’t know whether it was the disembodied head, the large, melancholy eyes in the hollow face–I grew up with the notion that God was infinitely compassionate but perpetually suffering, and that it was all our fault.

  5. fairybekk permalink*
    July 25, 2010 09:50

    Gosh Witch. I like that. A lot.

  6. August 6, 2010 18:58

    I thought I was the only person that had a thing for Tintin! And then I started to notice the blatant racism in the comics and I felt like my little heart had been crushed. I feel like if Tintin were a modern day character he would know that racism were wrong. Actually he’d probably have a girlfriend from Kenya who was beautiful and witty.

  7. fairybekk permalink*
    August 6, 2010 19:05

    Oh god, Aja that’s heartbreaking.

    Funny, I never notice racism, but can smell an anti-semitic comment a mile away. Not funny haha, just interesting, I guess.

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