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_Please pardon our mess while we’re under construction.

July 18, 2010

That’s the problem with comparisons, you know. The problem with practicing in a room full of people too. With self-practice, I do the same thing every day. Every day my leg inches a little closer to the back of my neck. Every day my fingertips edge closer to my heels. My pick ups become lighter, my jump throughs start barely scraping, and I feel like I’m doing well. And then I walk into a room full of people who have been doing this for much longer, who are much bendier, and much stronger, and have brighter eyes and fancier outfits. And all of a sudden I cannot pick up enough. And my stupid hips won’t open enough. And somebody else can get themselves into garba pidasana, and I happen to glance over and see that his leg is in a different place to mine. So I grab my leg and move it, and my knee says CRACK POP because, well, my knee isn’t supposed to go where his knee went.

I’m reading a lot about insulin resistance lately. How our brains are so used to running on glucose that when we try and make the switch to running on ketones (which, according to the few studies I’ve read, is actually an even more natural state to us humans than glucose*), our brains hate it. There’s a good 3 weeks in which you feel depressed and exhausted because your brain cannot get used to the new fuel. Most weaklings, me included, at this point start eating copious amounts of cherries to give oneself a quick glucose fix. But if you can stick it out, through the sludge, then one morning you wake up and the world is a different place. This is what I’ve read. I’m still trudging through sludge. The cherry binges get in the way a bit.

A busted knee is a huge alarm clock that rings every time you try to be something you’re not. I feel like it’s not just my brain making a switch. That my psyche, that is so used to external stimuli as a marker for progress, will never actually be satisfied with my place in the world outside of a vacum. That it’s making a switch to being driven by internal stimuli, by a pleasure-metre, and an impeccability metre, and that right now I just shudder to a halt quite a lot while I try to decide which engine to run.

*The addition of grains to the human diet, and subsequently the addition of massive doses of carbohydrate to our diet (that is, the switch from a hunter-gatherer diet, living and brain-feeding on ketones to glucose) has been documented to have happened around the same time as the right-left brain switch. Ok, I lied. There’s no documentation at all. You’ll have to follow it back yourself, too. But think about it for a minute… what came before the sugar high and the caffeine tic?

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